Once there was a boy and he was and he was ollie and he was a spy and last night there was a boy who was wearing a black hoodie and stealing strawberry's so at lunch he went early to his secret tree and his stuff was gone and he sawn that person again and he was going on his bike and following him and when he caught
him he was a robot and there was a boy named mike who was holding a remote and controlling the
Robot and he ran away but when he caught him he was saying i did nothing and he was not the person because he was just playing with a toy car and there was another person named chase and he was controlling the robot and he gave it to him so he would think that he was doing it but then he told him and then ollie sawn chase so then he ran and he caught him and then he was told to give back his stuff and go to prison for about 12 years when ollie and he was going back to school and just then the bell rang
The end
Monday, April 20, 2020
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Hi Aiden, Mrs T here. Hope lockdown is going well and you are looking forward to another week of home learning online. I have read your story about The Number One Thief and I liked the way you used your imagination when writing this story. For your next story maybe try and use more punctuation. If you read the story out loud to yourself you will notice when a full stop is needed or a new paragraph. You could even go back on this story and add or change sentences. Great job, and keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to seeing more of your work.
Mrs T
Hi Aiden, It's Mr Williams. Another great story. You love your spies don't you. I like the twist in the story where the robot appeared. Like Mrs T said, think about adding in some punctuation. It'll make your story even better. Check out this video on when to use full stops. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLenUirMf80 Hopefully it'll help for your next piece of writing :)
ReplyDeleteHey Aiden, Great story, I enjoyed the part when he lost his lunch, I bet he was hungry. I agree with Mrs T also, try adding some full stops because I did get a little confused at times. Do you like reading spy stories?
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